Perfectly (un)done …

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Ok, I admit I sometimes don’t parent as much as I should but half the time that’s because I’m in total shock over my unconventional fight for a family life that I’ve had to lead and constantly feel detached from the family I made as a consequence of discovering why the fight was real and hard.

Having not grown up in a local situation being forced into one at an early age and trying to be part of one for the majority of my life has definitely highlighted the fact I’ve been in the wrong place for the most of it. Now that wouldn’t ordinarily be an issue but I felt that after all these years at least my family would #belong. Having started off at the local nursery and then through to the rest of the schools I was quite shocked by the fact that actually nothing seems to stick with them, the friends they do have certainly my son are not great and my daughter seems to be stuck between two local groups much the same as I was and so all these years later I am starting to wonder whether I’m failing my children by leaving them in a Local Bubble or whether society is failing our children having created the Local Bubble in the first instance.

And I’ve looked at myself for years and years wondering whether in fact it is me., and now they don’t fit in I’m starting to wonder if it is them but considering they haven’t done anything wrong yet then I’ve come to the conclusion that whatever your skin, wherever you come from infiltrating the groups that have formed in the U.K. is useless as any attempt at penetrating them is pushed back and a big wall is built up further for the next generation.

And so, what do you do with your hormonal fused teenagers that are not soaking in their local environment, do you thrust them out into it and hope they swim or do you remove them as you remind yourself of the 40 years of sinking you yourself have just been through?

See it’s quite easy to punish yourself over not fitting in and I did that too the point that I tried so hard to fit in, in the end I was so far away from my own personality that I stuck out like a sore thumb and even trying to be like them was so alien that they sussed me out straight away and I was brushed off every time leaving me a fairly lonely teenager through to adulthood and even now.

Or do I explain to them that we have a massive issue with local people and that they shouldn’t get involved and design their life for a future of perhaps not fitting in and being as isolated as I was or do I knowing full well how these people work leave it for them to struggle through. Now I’m sure if it hadn’t taken me 40 odd years to get out of the woods, leaving them to their own devices would of been the better option and perhaps I’d never have experienced how thick the woods is but having now seen how prepared these people are at manipulating situations to make you look bad, I’ve become an expert and already watching them in action with my son, I wonder what to do.

Now he’s probably no angel and I get that but he has not been raised to be anything but a nice kid. Now I’m not sure what these boys get up to in their home life but some of them do appear to come from quite well off families yet act like absolute animals and this is rubbing off on my son who spends most of his time grunting and stuck to the computer like it’s his life line and the rubbish that is being put on this computer by his friends sets me reeling everytime I go in his room, but anxious not to get too meddled in his life I wonder how the best way forward would be I mean I cannot isolate him at this age as much as I’d like to and I’d hope that he would manage to work it out for himself but teenagers don’t they just think what they are surrounded by is normal however on reading the chat thread they are on I can see with adult eyes how extremely abnormal it is and whilst my knee jerk reaction would be to pull him out of Secondary School which is quite frankly the worse place in this country, I fear to do so would create more issues than leaving him there for the last year of his schooling in the hope that he actually survives it.

I’d love to see him see what they are doing to him but as a child your capability to assess others motives is based upon your own character. I’d never dream of doing what my old friends did to me to anyone else so I never believed they were capable of doing what they were doing and how horrendously calculated it was and he’d be exactly the same as me when it came to it as he is my son.

And no doubt having got away with it for so long with me, why wouldn’t they start all over again, I mean they did with my daughter but she could see it coming a mile off … so why can’t he?

Why can’t he see how he is being encouraged by these kids? Why can’t he break away from it and concentrate on his future ? What is it I need to do to break this heinous cycle. Why does it leave me in a state of paralysis because I can see it come and so why can’t I duck. Do I have to put up with watching my children’s lives being eaten alive by these people for another 40 years ? Why aren’t we doing something in this country to get into the local areas and break it up ?

What is this about?

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